shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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