my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
