Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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