I faked an abortion last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
