I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
