He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
