What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
