I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
