Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
