those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
