do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
