If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
