Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
