I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
