where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
this beer tastes like vomit already
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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