dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're too hungover to prance.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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