I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
