I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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