he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
