And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
