Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
