Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
