oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
