We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
