My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
