im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
