I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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