It's like God shit irony all over that family
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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