LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
