You're so nebulous sometimes
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
