Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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