capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
