ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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