why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
