Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
