She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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