Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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