She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
