So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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