Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
