could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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