If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
