is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
