I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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