can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
