There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
