My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im six kinds of drunk right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
