Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
