I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
