Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
