The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
