I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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