these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
