Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
