Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
