we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
