My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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