He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
