Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
