My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
