can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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