Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
