I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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