Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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