Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
