still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
