Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
