My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
