dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
