Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
