i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
