So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize