How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
