I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
