Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Come on in and take your pants off
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